My family's favorite nurse took my mom for day shift and she had a student with her. That student is lucky she's getting to learn from an amazing nurse, I'm glad to see she's given the opportunity to teach. There is a lot as far as compassion goes that I feel like she can share.
There is a weight off of my shoulders that she's with my mom today. They're playing with her ventilator settings but so far today has been quiet and I'm thankful for that.
I slept from about 6am until 8am and my father had called and texted me a handful of times worried. I talk to him and ease some of his worries. I know he's scared and lost with my mother gone. He's understanding and sweet about me not getting back to him right away, he understands that my sleep is weird here.
Russ left TN at 8am after my amazing friend LaLayna made him breakfast before he left. I'm blessed to have them in my life. After our grumpy little blowout last night we've been fine today. We aren't grudge holders.
I'm thankful of the care my mother has received here. I'm glad they airlifted her here instead of keeping her in Topeka.
I go and get some lunch after packing up my things from her room. This is my last day staying here because Russ will be here by the late afternoon. My sister will take over for me in about 4 hours.
While I'm downstairs I pick up a thank you card for her nurses (and everyone taking care of her). I write specific notes in it for the three nurses we've asked not to care for my mother. I explain that emotions are raw and I understand that no one, especially not myself, is perfect. That I understand their perceived mistakes in her care were not personal against her and that they're all great nurses who are capable and qualified at their jobs. Our decision was also not personal, just emotional, and thanked them for everything they do and have done.
I then thanked my favorite nurses. The ones who have treated my mother and myself as family. I write a long, sappy note to them.
I also write a note to everyone else in the hospital. I say thank you and explain that I understand it takes a "village" to run a hospital. From the doctors to the housekeeping staff.
The front of the card I got the staff.
I feel better going to TN knowing she really is in good hands.
The nurses just finished their afternoon assessment. There isn't much change today. I wish she would respond and follow commands but no one has ever been able to rush my mother. She will do things in her own time. While I hope that things turn out for the best in this situation I have finally come to terms with the fact that even if my mother doesn't make it life will continue on. I will grieve and have to tell Jackson stories about his grandmother I wish she'd have been able to tell him herself but I will have to be strong for my family. Jackson needs his mom just like I've needed mine all of these years and as I face loosing my mother I want to do everything in my power to keep him from loosing me too early.
Mom's are important. I'm not saying dad's aren't. Or other family members aren't. Just, there is something special about your mom, isn't there? Maybe it becomes a bigger deal when you've had your own kids. Knowing first hand the sacrifices she made for me that I never acknowledged and she did without promise of a payoff.
I think she knows that I love her and while I'm very sad that I can't speak to her now, I know that the last time we spoke she was excited for my move back to KS, she was proud of the mother I was becoming, and we exchanged honest and sincere "I love you"s.
I will be okay. This will be okay. Even if at times it doesn't feel like it will be I still have a loving, supportive family. Some of whom are the family I've choosen for myself and some of them are by blood. We will make it through this together.
No comments:
Post a Comment