Work is a welcome break.

On Saturday my mom's situation continues to be quiet. Her chest tube is to be taken out, but a feeding tube is to be placed. At least were staying at the same number of tubes, right? Not just adding. We will know sometime today if her lung stays inflated or if it collapses. Fingers crossed.

Early afternoon Saturday though my boss  sends a message that there is an open shift in small animals and one in reptiles that needs filled. That means the staff is looking at a Saturday without trained employees in primary zones! I offer to work, provided sweat pants won't be a problem, and my boss excitedly takes me up on the offer.

Work has become a welcome break from the hospital. I talk to my father, ask him if he's okay with me leaving for a few hours, the shift is from 5pm until 9pm and I will come back to the hospital after. Because her day has been so quiet he aggrees I should spend some time away from this place and encourages me to go. 

I pack up and head to Lawrence. It's about a 30 minute drive from the hospital, to get to where my family is - Topeka - is another 30 minutes past Lawrence. 

In Lawrence I park at Pet World and walk in like I've done hundreds, no, thousands of times before. I don't know all of the new staff, but most of them know me. I settle in, orientate myself and jump right into work. 

Small details are different but this is the job that taught me "I don't know, let's find out!" I spend the evening making jokes about how it's been nearly 3 years since I've worked on the sales floor, but I had done it for 5 years before that! Some customers recognize me, squinting their eyes as they look at me "you still work here?!". I'm hard to miss with my large, bright forearm tattoos. If you ever want to stay anonymous, don't get tattoos kids. 

I reveal my mom's status to a handful of customers. Some I know, some I don't. There are hugs from strangers and promises prayers from friends. Without working at Pet World yourself it's hard for anyone to understand but 90% of the customers there are like family. We are a big community who cares about one another and supports each other. Even customers I've never met who care about the store so deeply treat me like family. I'm awash with a renewed sense of encouragement that moving to KS isn't the wrong decision, I've always felt like I belonged there.

The night comes to a close and I've sold countless dozens of dusted crickets. I've given advice on owning snakes, cats, dogs, birds, and fish. Plus I've helped a 7 year old boy hold his first snake. His scared, shaking hands reaching for it and his excited, proud high five after he's done it somehow remind me of my son and make me miss him as I write this. 

We are back at the hospital now. Emotionally I'm worn down. I cried on the phone with my husband for really no reason on the way back to the hospital after convincing myself security wouldn't let me in to see my mother and being racked with guilt for leaving her, even if it was for my own sanity. Russ talks me through my evening and eventually I fall asleep to him humming to me on the phone.

I miss home so much. I miss him terribly. I miss my mom and my son and my bed and my four stupid cats and I miss feeling sane. 

For tonight I'm thankful my mom's nurse is so kind and caring. I've seen her in the SICU all week and this is the first time she's been with my mom. She honestly treats her as if she were her own mother. While I don't get much sleep in the hospital, I'm sleeping a little easier knowing she's caring for my mom tonight.

Me at Pet World, working on the sales floor, for the first time in about 3 years I think?